Having close friends is one of life’s greatest blessings. You’re both comfortable around each other, so much so that you can sit in silence with no hint of awkwardness. You’re their go-to when celebrating a promotion at work or their latest birthday. And as tough as it can be, you’re part of their support system when times are less happy.
Through the ups and downs of friendship, empathy plays a key role. It’s the ability to understand and share the feelings of another person, and it’s a cornerstone of strong, supportive friendships. Being an empathetic friend means being there for someone, truly listening to them, and offering support in a way that acknowledges their feelings and experiences. It’s a skill that takes practice, but there are many ways you can show you care and recognize their feelings.
1. Give Thoughtful Gifts
While it may not be everyone’s love language, getting a surprise gift can be delightful. The recipient knows they were top of mind and the giver relishes the joyful reaction they get. The hardest part? Knowing what the right gift is for the occasion and the friend.
Of course, the actual gift is much less important than the thought — that’s what counts after all. But your aim is to knock it out of the park, providing a glimmer of happiness and a great gift. The best place to start is natural: What do they like? If your friend loves animals, maybe offer tickets to the zoo or an aquarium. An activity is always nice. Then you can add in supplemental items like snacks or sunscreen for the trip.
Birthday gifts and other happy celebrations can be easier to shop for, but don’t forget gifts to cheer them up when they’re sick or grieving. Simple comforts like soup, their favorite drinks, or a cozy blanket can help them recoup. Don’t have time to put something together on your own? Luckily, pre-packaged get well gifts are available. Even if you’re not the best gift giver, you can show them you care.
2. Be a Shoulder to Cry On
Sometimes your friend may need to let it all out. Sitting down and speaking incoherently through guttural sobs is oddly therapeutic after all. But doing it alone can be depressing. That’s where you come in.
Offer to sit with your friend and let them air their grievances. They can speak negatively about their tough time — a job that fired them or an ex they hope never to see again. They can cry over the loss of a loved one and know that you’re supporting them along the way. Whether they talk nonstop or not at all, you’re there for them.
Bring tissues, too. This part of being an empathetic friend isn’t for the faint of heart. It’s not easy to see someone endure hardship right in front of your eyes. But it’s a necessary step in dealing with all kinds of grief or heartache. Don’t offer solutions, unless they ask. This type of bonding will likely bring you closer together than you’ve ever been.
3. Listen Actively
Humans are inherently communicative. That’s how the species is able to share vital information, build rapport, and move through life. And because of how natural it is, people can also tell when those they’re speaking with aren’t paying full attention. That’s why active listening is such a crucial trait of a good friend.
When your friend is trying to explain their feelings, good or bad, it’s not enough to be in the same room. You have to put away your phone, avoid butting in with a relevant story of your own, and just listen. Make eye contact, process what they’re saying, and ask thoughtful questions when it’s time for you to respond. Encourage your friend to share more by asking open-ended questions. Instead of “Are you okay?” try “How are you feeling?” This invites them to share more deeply.
And let your friend know that their feelings are valid, even if you might not fully understand them. Simple phrases like, “I can see why you feel that way,” or “That sounds really tough,” can make a big difference. Conversation with trusted loved ones can be really therapeutic. As one of those select few, it’s your job to devote your complete attention to their needs.
4. Check in While Giving Space
This one is for the friends who just need to be alone. When dealing with heavy emotions or an illness, it’s not always everyone’s favorite thing to socialize. That response isn’t indicative of how close they may be to people, it’s just what they need at the moment. That, however, doesn’t mean you should leave your friend to themselves entirely.
You’re trying to strike a balance of being supportive and empathetic without being pushy. The ultimate goal is to ensure they know you’re there for them whenever they’re ready and able to see people. You can accomplish this with something as simple as a quick text saying you’re thinking of them. They may respond quickly or not at all, both of which are fine.
Eventually, when they’re ready, the message you sent will mean a lot. In some cases, it might even encourage them to reach out and talk. And that will only help to build an even stronger friendship.
Forever Friendship
When it comes down to it, there’s no real blueprint for how to be an empathetic friend. There’s no guide for friendship at all. The relationships that withstand the test of time with all of life’s ups and downs focus on intention. Being there when your friend needs you and understanding what they need goes a long way. Your friends will be grateful knowing they have a great person in their life.
